It has been 6 months since I was diagnosed with PPD. I thought I would be off of meds by now and way into my new groove with 3 kiddos. I much prefer the natural approach to the mind, spirit, and body- but I also know when I need to seek help so I can be the best for my family.
I was first diagnosed with depression when I was 12. I’ve been on and off meds majority of my life. I only stayed on them for a short while in the past because I believed my depression was completely situational. I would find my peace and move on. I know depression is a chemical imbalance, but I figured the things I had faced caused the imbalance. But for the first time in my life, I am truly happy. I am completely satisfied. I could not be more thankful for my life and family. And yet here I am, on the highest amount of Lexapro that I can take while nursing and taking anxiety meds as needed- and it is super frustrating!
The other night I was walking our pup and I turned around and admired our little house.
I was looking into the nightlight lit rooms, with pinkish and blue tints seeping through the windows. I remember thinking about how blessed I was to have 3 healthy sleeping children inside. I thought about my husband and the five years we have been through. The ups and downs in the beginning that have led us to this peace. I can’t explain how amazing it is to have a partner that is your missing piece. That things just connect so easily without being forced. We can be us with no judgement. He holds me together when I feel like I’m slipping like it is nothing at all. I’m one lucky girl to have his understanding.
I looked at our house in awe and with gratitude that this is my life, then saw a shooting star fall from the distance behind the house. It was one of those magical, surreal moments. After it fell, I realized I had nothing to wish for- it was all inside waiting for me.