Need to vent my major drama

I haven’t really blogged about my personal life because that is not my intentions for my blog. But this bombshell has hit me and I really need to vent. My ex-husband left me over 3 years ago by a email. I came home to an empty house and an email saying he was gone to FL. I didn’t know it was coming, it just happened. Well, I was able to find him a year later to serve him with divorce papers (through a detective) and I couldn’t afford to get his name off of my deed since he cleared out our bank account and left me with thousands of dollars in overdrafts plus tremendous debt. We weren’t married when I bought my townhouse, but only let him sign the deed so he felt part of it. Anyways, there are other many other mini drama chapters to my life that have happened in between all of this… but I’ve been a survivor.

Well, at the same time my husband left, my best friend of 17 years was leaving her creepy husband. I told her to come live with me and I’d take care of her part of the bills- minus part of the mortgage- until she got on her feet. Yes, even in debt, I did what I could for a friend. We grew closer than ever and it was a blast living and healing together. Well, then came Miss Ella and then came her boyfriend who moved in with us. Being a single mom to an infant was hard. I had no help at all. After 10 months, I just couldn’t do it alone anymore. So my wonderful mom moved to Charlotte and she bought the most fabulous house for us to live in. I didn’t want to kick my best friend out since they loved the place, so I let them live there as long as they paid the mortgage. I didn’t ask for anything more than what was due. My mom had money set aside, so we could have afforded to put the house on the market then and take care of 2 mortgages until my townhouse sold, but I wanted to let them stay there. They then had a baby and it was a perfect place for their family and from what I knew, they were happy there.

So, the bombshell… I got an EMAIL on Monday from my supposed best friend telling me she will be moving out Nov. 30. She didn’t call me or come over to discuss it. She didn’t give me a warning she was looking at other places or she couldn’t afford the rent. Just an email saying she was moving out. And not even a I’m sorry for the short notice and what this will do to you. I won’t even get into the feelings of hurt I have for our friendship at this point. I’m too numb from everything. But this is a month before Christmas and now I’m reliable for a mortgage I can’t pay! I don’t work other than doing freelance writing which doesn’t pay well, so I bring in VERY little income. Lately, we’ve had major issues with affording every day things, but we’re surviving the best we know how. So things have been really rough in my house for the past year.

I’m in shock and am terrified at what is going to happen. But to make matters worse and to bring you back to the beginning of the story… I found my ex on Facebook and told him I’d need him to sign over the deed. He had the audacity to ask me if he was going to get back what he put in!!!!!!!! He didn’t even put down a down payment and only paid half of the mortgage for 2 1/2 years. I’m so livid I could punch holes in the wall. This man left me with so much debt, I can’t even get a credit card because what he did to me. So not having a job and bad credit isn’t going to get me a loan. Let alone Christmas presents for my child and family. I know the present part is small, but I love Christmas and am used to big ones! Especially since Ella is able to understand Christmas and loves to open presents- which she could care less about last year.

Now I have to deal with getting the jerk to sign over the deed, which means finding him and I don’t even know if he will sign and then the drama of selling a townhouse in this economy. I don’t know what this is going to do to my family. I’ve been on edge and fighting depression for a couple of months dealing with a feisty 2 year old and now this… I feel like my world is caving in.

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19 thoughts on “Need to vent my major drama

  1. Xtina says:

    So sorry to hear of this–you're getting it from all sides. You'll be in my prayers.

    P.S. At least you know that the ex is still the slimy POS you thought he was.

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  2. You will make it through this and for your “friends” – what goes around comes around 🙂

    Where is this place located? Do you need some suggestions to rent it out? Email me with details if you have time, I have a real estate background and might be able to help

    naturalluxe(at)yahoo.com

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  3. I hate to hear all of this and I'm sorry you have to go through this esp. with a small child. Please stick in there, it will all get better with time, however I think that you should do what is best and find your ex and make him sign – – you may have to lose a little to make gains. Your friend should also be responsible for some of this and should be made to repay somehow. You took her in, now she needs to help you out. You need to think about you and your child now.

    This is so hard but you will get through it. I'm low on $$ these days too and I plan to just buy a small gift for my kids this year and celebrate life and being together to live another day. Children always understand…all that they care is that they are safe and loved!! 🙂

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  4. I don't have much to offer but my thoughts and prayers that things work out for you but you have them both. You are stronger than all of this and as tough as it is you can come through the other side of it all.

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  5. Anonymous says:

    The best present you can give your Bella is a healthy, happy you. Yes, presents are fun…but those things dissappear. You, miss mama, are her mom forever.

    Try to focus on how blessed you are, and welcome whatever love and positive energy comes your way. You never know what could happen.

    Until then, know that you are a strong woman, and your karma is still intact.

    All my loving vibes,
    Zhiby

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  6. I'm so sorry. It's so hard to believe that someone you trust could do this to you. Never trust anyone! it seems whn someone wants to use you they can always find a kind hearted person. You need a good divorce lawyer. You don't owe the ex anything – he owes you back payment for the baby. Maybe he'll agree to call it even if he is 'allowed” to just sign it to you. Good Luck.

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  7. I bet it feels good to vent. I had something like that happen to me too. I had 2 boys and furniture and car bills to fianance companies. After I paid them, they still wouldn't give me a loan..saying that everything was under my ex's name. Basically, I paid the bills but he got the credit. I raised my 2 boys alone, no child support and not much family. I remember thinking…what the crap!!! Why me?

    I truely believe you are being tested and you will only be so much stronger as time goes on. Sometimes, we wonder why God takes things from us. He takes things, so our hands are free and open….he has something better for you and your daughter.

    It is a bummer about Christmas but Christmas is about love, friends, family and our Lord. I spent a lot of Christmases with not much stuff but boy…we were so happy…my boys and I. We loved and we lived. They have been through so much with me…they are strong young adults now. Guess, I neede to say stuff too. It bugs me though when people take advantage of nice people…What they don't know…is it will come back on them when they least expect it. Seen it too many times.

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  8. Oh hon. I am so sorry to hear all this. You know I follow your blog and I read almost all your posts but sometimes I don't say anything simply because I lack time. My kid is 19 months and he doesn't sit still. My husband is only home on the weekends and when he is home he sleeps in. I never get a break.. so I know how hard it can be sometimes.. especially when you're trying to work from home.

    That really sucks about your ex. I've been there and in a way I am THERE right now but can't blog about it, you know? I've been fighting my own depression. This economy has really changed a lot of things for a lot of people.. but add in all your drama and I'm sure it just feels horrible.

    I had an incident when I was younger, my best friend begged me to co-sign for a car for her. (one better than my own) and in the end I did it BUT I signed the papers while I was at work.. while she and the sales lady were pointing where I should sign. I was in a hurry and did it because I trusted her. It turned out that I signed.. not co-signed for her. I let it go for a while until I got a parking ticket in MY name in the mail that she hadn't paid.. It was a huge mess, the sales lady, the bank etc.. they all knew that I hadn't just co-signed.. they all used me.. and I couldn't do anything about it in the end except try to get the car back. I went to her house for the 1st time in a yr and she was huge and pregnant. She couldn't get a new loan for the car, they were denied.. and in the end I woke up one day and the car was sitting in my driveaway w/ the booklet and a note that said the payment was due like the week before. $400 and something. I already had my own mortgage and car payment.

    Well, in the end the cars engine blew up a week after I had it. The bank came and took it back and all the crap went on my credit record. Then not long after I lost my job and I lost my own car.. No car, no job..and then I had trouble with my mom. no one to help me. I got depressed and my own grandma accused me of being on drugs because I was crying all the time and decided at that time to take away the college money she had saved for me. Said I didn't want to go. I had no car to get there!

    It was very very hard times. More than 10 yrs later, I have a kid now and it's still hard times but I don't care about stuff for ME anymore.. like you, I just want to give my kid a nice Christmas and do those things that make memories for our children.

    So I am thinking extremely good thoughts for you. Some of us know exactly how it feels to be in such a horrible situation. Be glad that you have such a wonderful mom to help get you through this, even if it's just through love.. and I really really hope things get better for you.

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  9. M, You are a brave & wonderful woman & mother. I applaude you for having the courage for blogging about a personal issue. It's tough as a writer, wanting to express personal feelings but keeping your business side front & center. But sometimes the lines get blurred & so much of who we are as women bleeds into our writing & sense of self & HAS to be expressed. You got shafted by 2 people you trusted & Karma has a funny way of coming back around. Don't waste a moment's more thought on either of them who have been so careless w/ your feelings & well being. Just do what you can to get what is YOURS from your ex so you can move on. I'll keep you & your family in my thoughts & prayers over the next few months. You have a beautiful family & you're doing a wonderful job w/ E! 🙂 NEVER doubt that. I know it's easier said, but there's SO much more to life & happiness than money; so while Ella may temporarily be disappointed, she wont remember it. She WILL remember you & you being there w/ her & all the great things you teach her! Really. I know because I grew up poor too & never even realized we were poor 🙂 What I do remember is my mom's unconditional love, which is still there for me to this day. Please let us know if there is ANYTHING we can do for you & Ella over the holidays! Hugs, C

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  10. Shame on your friend! And I won't even comment about your ex!

    It's hard, but try to step back, look at your daughter and how blessed you are to have her. And how lucky you are to have the support from your mom too!

    Don't let these awful people poison your holidays w/Ella.

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  11. Michelle! THIS IS HORRIBLE! I don't know what to do but if I were there I would make you a huge batch of my sea salted dark chocolates. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  12. Hang in there. Sending you positive vibes.

    I know it's a very tiny thing but if you can find Bach's Rescue Flower Remedy at a health store around you, it REALLY helps to calm.

    There are so many amazing presents you can make, together and for eachother. Look at some Waldorf ideas online – it can be twice as nice as normal that way. And it will therapeutic for you to work with your hands!

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