Why is it that when you have a truly amazing day where everything makes sense, many bad days follow? Last week I had many great days with plans and goals. Since Friday everything has just gone downhill and I’m overwhelmed. It looks like our roommate plan has fallen through, so that put some added pressure on me. Friday Ella had a horrible moody day, so that added to it. I tried to find Charlotte schools that go year round and I guess they don’t exist anymore. Which means it’s not going to do me a bit of good to pass my PRAXIS in January since I won’t be able to get a job until August. So that’s 2 failed plans to get us out of the hole. I retook a practice test and scored the same as I did before I started studying. And that made me feel even more overwhelmed because I’ve been studying every day and feel like I’ve gotten no where. Which has lead to sleepless nights trying to figure out a plan. And not to mention Ella hasn’t gotten back to her normal sleep routine since Thanksgiving and we’re back to sleeping together or me listening to her scream for 2 hours. Saturday was ok, besides the hour tantrum about her wanting to ride a pony. She woke up from her nap and started crying for a pony ride. Which lasted over an hour until we left the house to go see Rachael. Later on that night we went and saw this amazing house that was lit up beyond belief. Ella was sleepy, so she didn’t enjoy it as much as she would have if she was in a good mood. Then yesterday I started coming down with something, so I stayed in my pj’s all day trying to get some rest. Last night Ella woke up as soon as I walked upstairs, again, so I tried to get into bed with her to get her back to sleep. She fell asleep then woke up saying she needed to potty. I took her to the bathroom since she hasn’t asked in over a week to go, and we spent 20 minutes in there while she talked about everything she could. And spent 5 of those minutes talking about ponies. She really tried to go potty, I’ll give her that. But refused to get up and say she was done. I finally threw in the towel and put her in her bed. I tried to fall asleep, but had so many thoughts I couldn’t. As soon as I did, she woke up screaming. I don’t think we fell asleep until 2:30. So, not a happy mommy this morning. Sleep deprived and sick. I did apply to some preschools this afternoon in hopes to find something until I can teach. But who knows. I just want the happy thoughts with a clear plan to be in sight again.


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